My Vampire Baby

I went back to work last week. I wasn’t excited about it, mostly because I greatly enjoyed the routine I was in while staying home. We found an excellent daycare provider for Robbie and we know that McKenna will adjust in due time.

The first week went by without a hitch. Kids were great, I was right back into the routine and before I knew it, it was Friday. When I arrived at daycare to kick off the weekend with my kids, Robbie was in Miss Gretchen’s arms, smiling at me as he normally does when he sees me or Rob. He looked happy, though a little tired. She told me that he had a great day for the most part, but there was “an incident”. She proceeded to tell me that a two and a half year old accidentally backed up and tripped over him, landing on him. She said Robbie got really mad, had a little blood from his lip, but stopped crying rather quickly. “He’ll be tougher for it. I’ve backed up and tripped over McKenna. It happens and he seems fine.” She proceeded to tell me yet again what an easy going boy he is. I agreed. We said our goodbyes and I put Robbie in the car. He chatted with me for a few minutes before he started to show signs of sleepiness. Before I knew it, he was fast asleep.

After 45 minutes, I got to McKenna’s school. It was quite dark outside because it was already 5:05. I got a spot right in front of the door to the room where McKenna has aftercare and McKenna came out, jumped in the car and we went home. She and I were talking as I picked up Robbie with him asleep on my shoulder and we went inside. I quickly placed him down while I ran into the bathroom. Once I finished my business, I went to go pick up Robbie. I looked down and there was blood everywhere! On his hands, his face, dribbling down his chin, all over his shirt, some on his jacket. He was a mess!

My shocked reaction was met with a smile, a bloody, twisted smile. “What happened to you?” was all I could muster up. Is something wrong with me? I thought. Why I am not in total panic like I was with McKenna? Am I so enamored with his big eyes and beautiful red hair that I’ve become complacent? I cleaned him up and tried to find where the blood was coming from. Definitely his mouth. Lower…no…upper…no…lower…no…upper. He doesn’t even have any teeth! What the heck happened? After about 20 minutes of blood pouring out, a good amount of which he swallowed, I called the Ms. Gretchen.

Me: Hi…it’s Shelley Moore, Robbie’s mom.

Gretchen: Oh, hi! How are you?

Me: (nervous laugh) Well, I can’t get Robbie to stop bleeding and I…

Gretchen: WHAT?! (no doubt picturing a lawsuit).

Me: Well, I’m just trying to find out, where exactly did this kid fall on him?

Gretchen: (stumbling) He just backed up…and landed on his face. I mean, he bled a little, but it was done in about five minutes!

Me: Well, I have him sucking on a wet washcloth. I think it’s coming from the upper part of his mouth but I can’t tell.

Gretchen: I couldn’t see anything either, but he stopped bleeding pretty quickly, so I didn’t investigate more.

Me: Okay…listen, he seems fine so don’t worry. I just wanted to see if maybe the kid landed on his stomach and he was spitting up blood.

Gretchen: No, it was definitely his face…oh my gosh…did you call his doctor? You should probably call.


We quickly said our goodbyes and I look down a Robbie swallowing some more blood. He LOVES blood! Oh my God…he’s Hannibal Lechter! I’ve given birth to a cannibal!!! I then quickly called the doctor’s office. After talking with the late night staff, we determined it was best to go to the hospital. I quickly clipped his nails (bad mommy) and off we went. Sort of…
McKenna: What about my dinner?

Me: If you were covered in blood and Robbie didn’t want to go with me to get you fixed up because he wanted dinner, how would you feel?

McKenna: (pause) But…what about my dinner?

Me: Here…


McKenna munched on tortilla chips all the way to hospital. Of course, by the time we got found a parking spot and physically got to the E.R., Robbie was once again covered in blood.

The security guard yelled for help, fellow E.R. patients offered up seats, and I just said, “Really, I think it’s worse than it looks.” Once everyone saw him smiling, with blood coming out, people relaxed. This includes the guy in triage who signed us in while speaking in a perfect Donald Duck voice. He got wide eyes from McKenna and blood gurgling giggles from Robbie. The doctors (yes, we had two of them!) saw us fairly quickly and informed us that Robbie had ripped open his frenulum, the little thing that hangs down from the upper gums in the mouth. The kid who fell on him probably started it, but because I hadn’t clipped his nails, he continued the damage every time he put his hands in his mouth. Bad mommy, indeed…

We were in and out of the hospital in less than two hours. I called back Ms. Gretchen, who had called for an update (and a little comfort which I provided), and McKenna and I finally had dinner at 9:00. Our usual Friday night movie was watching Barack Obama’s victory speech (her choice...she loves the line when he says his girls get a puppy). Thanks to the nail clippers, some antibiotics and time, he is fully recovered. As for me, well…I will enjoy a nice glass of chianti while waiting to have a friend for dinner.

If You Want to Visit...

I think I'm too relaxed about things. I probably don't wash my hands the fifty times you are "supposed to" when handling a newborn. I don't feel the need to sterilize everything the baby touches. Recently, a friend of mine emailed me wanting to set up a visitation date. She jokingly wrote "I can't wait to hold him. You will let me, right?" Below was my response...

Since you would like to hold him, please be able to provide the following:

1) Photo identification.
2) Criminal history report with a copy of a full set of fingerprints.
3) Three letters of recommendation stating years of experience holding infants, years of education received in infant care, and psychological reports on you and your immediate and extended family members. No letters may be written by family members or friends.
4) All articles of clothing worn upon arrival must be washed three times in Dreft and cannot contain remnants of allergens. Clothes will not be provided for you if this expectation cannot be met.
5) Fingernails must be manicured so that nails do not exceed 1/16th of an inch beyond the fingertip. Clear polish only.
6) Shiny jewelry, toys, unique noise-making or any other attention getting contraption will not be tolerated and are therefore prohibited. We wouldn't want to draw his attention away from his mother now, would we?
7) Women must wear a sports bra one full size below their standard wear. This is to deter baby from trying to feed from the wrong person.
8) Men with enlarged breasts must purchase a similar item to achieve same effect as in #7(see Cosmo Kramer for "The Bro").
9) All comments regarding child must be prefaced with phrases such as "This adorable boy...", "He is so lucky because..." and "Girls will melt when they notice..." Visitors must request in writing any additional phrases they wish to preface their statements with at least 48 hours ahead of scheduled appointment.
10) All comments regarding the mother, her pregnancy and/or her post-partum state must include phrases complimenting her with such terms as "exceptional", "phenomenal", "sexy", "hot" and "inspirational".
Failure to complete any of the above will immediately result in eviction from the property and from the life of both mother and child effective immediately. I look forward to your arrival.

Robbie's Arrival: July 23, 2008!

THE RUN DOWN:
1) My dad called the night before the induction and sang, "The sun (son) will come out tomorrow/bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow/there'll be sun (son)...Just thinking about/tomorrow..." etc., etc.. I needed the laugh.
2) 5:30am: Drove through viscious storms to arrive at L&D at 6am.
3) 7am: 1cm dialated. Received pitocin.
4) 7:30: Still no pain but now at 4cm. Because things are progressing quickly, Doc orders epidural.
5) 7:50: Anesthesiologist begins epidural procedure. Due to excessive swelling (yes, even in my spine) he struggled.
6) 8:25: Epidural complete. To his credit, anesthesiologist states he's worried because I felt tingling too quickly.
7) 10am: No change in dilation. Disappointed.
8) 10:30: Doc breaks water to move things along. Doc chit chats with hubby telling him what a saint he is to be married to me. "No matter what wrong you do in your life, you're going to heaven because you're married to her. From the moment she walked into my office, she let me know who was in charge...and it wasn't me." Okay...maybe I've been too proactive.
9) 12:00pm or so: Six cm.
10) 1:30: Turn on Yankee game to help pass the time. Doc and hubby sit and watch the game.
11) 2:45: Doc tells me I'm fully dialated and asks if I can wait until the game is over before we begin pushing. He and hubby laugh and then proceed to sit down to watch the game.
12) 2:50: I ask Doc and hubby if I needed to turn off the TV to get the show on the road.
13) 2:53: Pushing began.
14) 3:06: Robbie arrives!
15) 3:15: I about vomit as I watch the doctor sew what seems to be a quilt down below. He later states it was "just a couple of stitches". So much for perineal massage.
16) 5:00: Spinal headache began do to epidural going "too far". The worst migraine I've ever had. Drugs didn't work, hydration didn't work. Was informed of a last ditch effort to relieve the pressure build up. Have to make decision whether I should "ride it out because it may go away in a week or so" or to do the procedure.
11) 35 hours after Robbie's arrival (1:30amThursday night/Friday morning): a different anesthesiologist and a nurse arrive to do what is called a blood patch. They withdrew 18CC's of my own blood, went back into my spine and injected me with blood to try to create a clot to stop the leakage. I seriously wouldn't wish a blood patch on my worst enemy. It really sucked.
12) Discharged Friday afternoon and I've arrived home to enjoy a family of four!