Confessions of a Cheerless Mom

McKenna has begun cheerleading this week and I hope she hates it. I highly doubt that will happen since she is naturally loud and energetic, but it’s a wish.

Oh...in case you were concerned, this entry is not about post-partum depression.

I know…I’m a terrible mom. It’s not that I want her to be miserable. I just dislike almost everything that cheerleading stands for. Why does she have to be one of the robots, yes robots, which have to support the boys on the field? Don’t we get enough messages that women are not free to find joy from within themselves, but that joy comes from the men in their lives? As a middle-school teacher, I see evidence of that everyday. Girls will say and do blatantly mean things to each other and to their peers to create a social hierarchy that is centered upon how boys perceive them. The more a girl can do to have boys notice her, the more popular she is amongst the girls. If someone else comes along, a threat is felt and the nastiness begins.

Cheerleading, in my mind, is a (semi-)subtle way of sending that message yet again. “Cheer those boys on girls! It’s very important that we do our best to support those boys out there on the field.” These girls are trained from a very early age to fit a certain mold. “Smile!” “Keep your arms straight!” “Jazz hands!” Individuality is simply out of the question. “Hair must be decided upon by the coaches and team moms. All girls must then wear their hair in the agreed upon fashion (ex: braids, ponytails, etc).” While some may argue that it’s creating a sense of team work, I would argue that it creates a sense of communism. With the 2008 Olympics beginning this week in China, I’ve realized that it’s not that far of a stretch. Yes, I believe cheerleading is a “sport” and I understand the trust that gets developed between the team, but I’ve also seen how it can turn girls against each other. Case in point…this year, a bunch of my students were on the Pop-Warner cheerleading team which just so happen to place first at the national competition at Disney World. Great for them…no easy accomplishment. However, a couple of students confessed to me how they were outcast from the team because they refused to drink and have sex like the rest of “the team” was doing (yes, I’m talking 13-year olds). While I know the argument can be made that this can happen with any sports team, I would beg to differ. As a longtime coach of girls’ basketball, my husband has found that his girls are and have always been, very accepting of the individuality that each player brings to the team on every level. Personality differences, sexual orientation differences, academic differences, etc. It makes sense, considering that basketball is a team sport that thrives on the individual talents of each player. In cheerleading, that’s just not so. The more you are just like everyone else, the better you are. It’s a pack mentality that spills over into the personal lives of these girls.

Why did I sign her up for it then? Well, Rob and I have always encouraged McKenna to have a “polite bite” of everything and that includes activities. She’s tried soccer, swimming, T-ball, dance, gymnastics, and Girl Scouts, all of which she has enjoyed, but has not latched onto. I guess cheerleading is a logical step for an American girl and I’m hoping it will be another stepping stone on the way to something that clearly demonstrates that a girl can do and be whatever she wants and that her sense of self comes from herself, not from what boys say, think or do.

Until then, I will support her enjoyment of cheerleading. I’ll continue to show enthusiasm as she shares with me what new stretches or routines she has learned. But I will do it while reminding her that she brings something unique to the team, that her individual sense of self, her confidence, her humor, her ability to make respectful and responsible decisions is what makes her such an awesome cheerleader, an awesome team player and one amazing little girl.